On Saturday I shot a 62 at Glendower, playing immaculate golf, until those Nazi bastards told me it was getting too late, and I could only play the second hole on Sunday. I mean, what is the point of trying to finetune your game if the dogs only let you play the first hole?
You would have loved me, looking adorable in plus fours, off the tee in nine, out of the car park in 27, through an irate home owner’s garden for 36, this game holds no fears for me. Well I lie, there was one time I was playing the first at Huddle, and blongered into the woods for a couple of hours. Just as I was thrashing my way back onto the fairway, a pack of bloodhounds came crashing into the undergrowth and nearly killed me. What possessed my playing partners to call the police I will never…but I digress.
If you follow golf on television or go out on the course to watch the professionals, then you’ll probably be aware of how much time and effort these guys put in. Every day they’re out there hitting balls and honing their games, because even the slightest edge can win you tournaments. The difference in skill and talent between golfers, unlike most sports, is not that apparent.
In golf, unlike tennis or other individual professional sports, you generally see a wide spread of players winning the majors and the bigger tournaments. It’s not like tennis where a Sampras, Federer or even a Nadal are always going to dominate. It’s much, much closer than that and while there are a number of players you expect to do well there is never a clearcut winner from day one.
That is what makes the Tiger Woods story so phenomenal. For once there is a player who is so talented and grimly determined to succeed that he actually does stand out in the crowd — a player the likes of which we never expected to see.
In the days of Nicklaus, Palmer and Player there were indeed great players, but not at the levels of professionalism that you find today. Nowadays everything from your diet, your game and your equipment is so scientifically analysed that it narrows the gap between players. No-one would seriously consider relying strictly on raw talent and then going out to compete. Ability is just the start — all of the pros have it in varying degrees but technology and coaching to a greater or lesser degrees can bridge the gap.
Except for the Tiger.
If you’re following the US Open then you’ll know that he’s been troubled by a knee injury which has almost made him into a mere golfing mortal. Yet even with that, he still forced a play-off with Rocco Mediate in San Diego.
If he wins, he will be up to 14 majors, just four short of Nicklaus, and this at the age of 32. This comprises four Masters, four PGAs, three Opens (British) and two US Open titles — nothing short of incredible.
If he should lose, nobody will be in doubt that he will still go on to overtake Nicklaus on 18 majors and the title of greatest golfer that has ever lived.
Of course I could have been a contender today, but they never let me play the second hole!
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130 Responses to “Golf: You’re never out of the Woods”
Although we did get to see Tiger perform a classic weekend hack on hole number 1 last night - chop out of the rough straight up into a tree.
I could never get the golf thing. Watching golf on TV is arguably the most boring thing to watch in the world - except maybe for watching Paraguay and Uruguay battle out a goal-less draw.
And as for playing it? I get the “philosophy” behind it, but the sheer boredom of playing fetch with yourself is beyond me.
I’m not a heathen – I get the discipline and technique involved, I get it, I played it. What I don’t get is the absolute masochistic boredom of the game and why seemingly normal men would obsess about hitting a little white ball, and spend thousands of Rands doing it. It boggles.
Ah Gerry - all it takes is one good shot and then you are hooked.
The social aspect isn’t bad either - if you enjoy talking kak with 3 of your mates while you play a competitive game against them, and then having a few beers while watching sport in the pub afterwards that is…
Furthermore, there something innately pleasing about watching the trajectory of a well-struck golfball. Call me weird, but to me that breast-like flight path is a thing of rare and wonderous beauty.
I have an evil plan. Think Women’s sports development. Teach all the wives and girlfriends to play golf.
Picture this: You are just settling in, about to thwack fresh air, when you hear “Honey, over here!Nice pants!” Wife and girlfriend are playing together, swapping stories about you. And whipping yo ass at golf. Mwahaha.
Must get writing to those sports development people.
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Mike Trapido is a criminal attorney and publicist having also worked as an editor and journalist. He was born in Johannesburg and attended HA Jack and Highlands North High Schools. He married Robyn in 1984 (Mrs Traps, aka "the government") and has three sons (who all look suspiciously like her ex-boss). He was a counsellor on the JCCI for a year around 1992. His passions include Derby County, Blue Bulls, Orlando Pirates, Proteas and Springboks. He takes Valium in order to cope with Bafana Bafana's results.
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Although we did get to see Tiger perform a classic weekend hack on hole number 1 last night - chop out of the rough straight up into a tree.
It’s nice to see he has ALL the shots in his bag
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